Suffering

This few days I'm really suffer from my feeling to her. Don't know why every time when I closed off my eyes, I can saw many best memories between her and me. Seriously, I can't sleep for the whole night. Just keep thinking and thinking. Until can’t focus on study. Sometimes I was eager want to find her and chat, because feels like unnatural already if didn't find her for chatting. I think this become one of my important daily activities already. Suddenly didn't chat with her, I don't get used to it. I think I addicted to chat with her before. 

Sometimes why I keep thinking about her? Is it because I still have feeling to her again? Sometimes I still want to say "I love you!" to her. Looks like is not that easy to forget this kind of feeling to her. To prevent same things happens, I need to control myself and keep telling me that she is impossible with me already. Now I need to keep on my effort and say "jia you" to myself only. This time is just fighting for my own only without anyone supporting. So now keep a distant of course mate with her is a wise decision. Although I’m really suffer to live a day without interacted her. Till now, the feeling towards her is slowly disappearing already. I think after the holiday, we can become friend without the love feelings. Can we just ‘start’ from course mate relation? Just hope that she can understand. Well I just need to keep on suffering until next open semester. Although feels sorry to her, it might also hurt her as well.  

Although now we just course mate, I believe we still have the best memories among us.